Big Day Out

As I had made an executive decision not to go on an 'official' holiday this school break, I thought it would be a good idea to take the kids away from the house for a day or so to at least help them feel like they were on 'holidays'.

I won't be in a hurry to do that again. They were monsters.

Monster 1

Monster 2

Monster 3

I had Sara (our au pair at the time) with me, and we took the children to McDonalds for dinner. This is a real treat for them - they rarely get to eat McDonalds. And also a real treat for us - they run themselves ragged in the play area while we use the free internet acess for the duration.

Except that it's never that simple. Sam takes the entry to the play area as his cue to have 'quiet toilet time'. And the copious amounts of sugar in McDonalds food is bound to catch up to my children sooner or later. Mostly sooner I think...

After all 3 children are bathed and ready for bed (we were staying in a motel overnight), Sam starts with the 'I want to go home and sleep in my own bed' shenanigans. Then the bed swapping begins. The fights over pillows. The snoring. The crying. After 3 hours of sleep, we all woke up.

That morning we thought we'd take in the earliest session of 'Cars 2' while the kids were at their most fresh. I plied them with sugary drinks and popcorn and lollies in a desperate bid to get all three to sit, simultaneously, for a two hour period. Big mistake. Lucky for us, there were only two other people in the whole cinema, so there were no actual complaints. I had hoped to fit in a little nap during the movie - to make up for the poor night's sleep.

This is how the movie panned out for me.

1. Cute pre-movie on Toy Story : managed to hold attention of all 3 children. Even Sara and I laughed.

2. Cars 2 begins : Sam gets all excited about seeing his favourite characters up on the big screen and shouts loudly and inappropriately at anyone who will listen.

3. Cars go to Japan : missed major part of storyline whilst trying to mop up slushie that Sam has spilled on his chair. Manage to tip over half a box of popcorn in the process. Cursing under breath begins. Olivia needs to go to the toilet.

4. Cars go to Paris : Darcy needs to go to toilet. Olivia wants to change seats. More popcorn is spilled. This time in the aisle.

5. Cars go to Monaco : Olivia wants to go back to the toilet. Darcy and Sam are fighting over who had the most lollies. Sam can't find his drink. Crying begins. In an attempt to quiet my noisy children, I move Darcy up to the back row and force her to sit on my lap. Sam is moved next to Sara, 2 rows in front of us, and Olivia is sitting on her own one row behind the only other people in the cinema - probably kicking their chairs. I can only hope they'll scream at her for it and save me the pleasure.

6. Cars go to London : Olivia moves one row back and Sam accuses her of trying to steal his drink. Another fight begins. Darcy shouts that she didn't get much popcorn and due to the intensity of her cries, I remove her from the cinema and give her a big dressing down in the hallway. We arrive back inside the cinema just as the Cars go to London.

7. Just as the climax of the story is building intensely, Darcy needs to go to the toilet again.

8. Darcy starts to ask me what is happening in the movie. I spend 5 minutes saying 'sssshhhhh', thereby missing the main part of the movie.

9. Deciding that I have missed what this movie is all about anyway, I start picking up the 3 boxes of popcorn my children have scattered around the cinema. I check where Sam spilled his slushie, and thankfully it has dried.

10. As the credits are rolling, I am holding two children, one under each arm, and Sara is dragging the third with her. I shove all three into their car seats, vowing and declaring NEVER to take them to a cinema ever again.

And this whole experience comes with the jolly old price tag of $75. Grrrrr.

I suppose some kids - and by that I mean MY KIDS - are just solely outside kids. Next time I will take them to paint ball or something where they can take their frustrations out on each other, except it will all be in the name of the sport!

One thing is certain. I won't be taking my monsters back to the cinema in a hurry. Even if they are cute little monsters...