Episode 6 – Hot Dates and Alliteration are Alive and Well
Sam opens tonight’s penultimate episode with discussion
about ‘our boys’, and a reminder of how the real prize here is true love, and
not (actually) sponsorship, brand ambassadorial-ship, infamy etc.
The Most Romantic
Day Yet
Adam:
His girls are both in PJs, and Taryn still looks better than
me on a good day. Oh to be young again. Taryn says she’s hoping to hold hands
with Adam soon. And as I’ve just learned what “Netflix and chill” ACTUALLY
means, I’m wondering if “holding hands” is also code for something more
sinister.
Dashing Dairy Farmer Adam (FFS with the alliteration
already)is taking Taryn on the shag fest to a hot spring nearby. He says he’s
never been before, and that doesn’t surprise me. What WOULD surprise me is if
he was a regular there. There is the WORST POSSIBLE AWKWARD MOMENT EVER as
Taryn goes in for a sexy spa kiss, and is rejected by Adam. She is gutted and
embarrassed, and even asks him ‘when is a good time to kiss?’ (Eeeek). He says
he doesn’t kiss on the first date. Awwww. Danger music plays and Adam adds cold
water to the spa. Ouch.
After Taryn’s rejection, it is obvious that something needs
to be done to rectify this. They drink bucket loads of wine, Taryn invites Adam
back to her Villa, and they PASH… Taryn announces there was a ‘happy ending’.
Noice.
Lachie:
Apparently he’s “shaken” after his altercation with Kelly. (And
as an aside, Kelly is NOWHERE near as cranky at Lachie as the rest of Australia
was after last week, which makes you wonder about the dodgy editing on this
show. Mountain out of a mole hill anyone? I mean if that had been me last week,
I would have reacted swiftly and violently… so maybe it was all a bang up after
all?) I digress. Apparently she’s opened “old wounds” for him. Whatevs. He now
has some clarity however, and as a result, cancels the remainder of his farm
stay by booting BOTH girls from the farm. Wait, what??
Lance:
Lancey-boy (his words, not mine) is off to Great Keppel with
Lisa, and I am so jealous of them both. That island is AMAZEBALLS. Lance is
wearing the biggest hat ever on the boat over, and I’m wondering if I’d had the
brains to wear a hat that big on the boat over, I could have saved myself a
load of sunburn last time I went)… Susie is back home shovelling sheep s#!* (as
you do… said no one ever). She is wondering if they are drinking cocktails over
there…. YES… they are Susie. They definitely are…. Lance has probably had more
than Lisa though, as he’s started speaking about himself in third person again.
“Lancey-boy is not a paddle boarder.”
Susie is home going cray-cray. Talking to cockatoos and
playing air guitar with a shovel.
Lancey-boy thanks Lisa for “coming on the show” (because
this is all about tv, and not love right?). They do a lovely sunset cruise
dating thing. Lance announces he is above ‘cloud 9’. Meanwhile, Susie laments
the death of the sister-wives club. The writers outdo themselves with
alliteration by making poor Sam spit out that “the sun has set on the smitten
sweethearts”. Groan.
Matt:
Helicopter Hottie (and I SWEAR I am so happy this is all
over next week, as the alliteration is really starting to do my head in), Matt,
is taking April on the BIG date. It feels like it’s the sympathy vote. You know…
I have this great connection with Gabby, but I’d better give you some time too”.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I bet I’m not. There’s loads of kissing in some gorgeous
hidden waterhole though, so Matt is getting his money’s worth out of this date.
Gabby is back home proving she can do hard work even without
Matt, but I am thinking that if that was me, I’d be fixing to “watch Netflix
and chill”… amiright? Hahaha There is lots of hand holding on separate swags
under the stars.
Julz:
Still looking for a spark, which is a bit like finding a
needle in a haystack apparently. Surprisingly, he takes Alex on the big date to
a cute beach location, but they have as much chemistry as me and Maths A do. Melanie
surely has this in the bag. Poor Alex.
Jedd:
No shock that he takes Sam on the hot date. They go to a
Luxury Eco Lodge and get a massage. But wait… Jedd’s DOG is there too. Ummm I’m
not really sure why Kerry who is still at home couldn’t be trusted to feed the
dog? All that aside, they try to ‘get in the mood’. This means donning white
robes, and sipping on sparkly wine. Because nothing says “we are so going to
shag” than donning a white robe in a room you didn’t have to pay for. Sam gives
Jedd the LURVE talk (you know… connections and electricity…etc.”) They kiss.
Jedd later says they shared a “vulnerable experience in front
of the fire”, and as if that wasn’t enough, he follows it up with “Pandoras box
opened, and he embraced the box.” I couldn’t make this shit up!
The Morning After
The Night Before
Matt:
April is so touchy feely (arm strokes and fingers entwining)
and there is still a lot of kissing. April announces about Matt that “150% this
dude is the one.” hey discuss goals, ambitions, world peace and global fiscal
policy (kidding). April talks about 1, 2, 3 kids. They reflect on their ‘unspoken
bond’ (ie: Matt’s erection in the water hole presumably), and April cries happy
tears.
After his date, Matt is wrestling with his feelings. He
invited Gabby on a dinner, where they are waited on (presumably) one of Matt’s
workmates, who has gone all out in one of his blue RB Sellars work shirts. He
lurks suspiciously in the background as Gabby asks the tough questions. She
cried a little and Matt tells her (nicely) not to.
Lance:
After the big hot island date, Lance and Lisa meet a frosty
Susie at home. Completely oblivious to her pain, they don’t spare her any
details, and annoy her with the facts. Lance stops short of asking her if she
got all that s#!* shovelled while they were gone.
Adam:
Adam and Taryn start telling Hayley all about their hot
date, and suspecting she might actually throw hot coffee on them for the
effort, they back off a bit. Adam decides to take Hayley the ‘graphic
designer/wannabe butcher’ on another date. Taryn relishes telling Hayley about
the “HOT baths.”
Adam is clearly looking to pash Hayley on this date as well
to even the score. He doesn’t really strike me as that kind of guy, but they
are drinking whiskey, so who knows.
Taryn is at home eating three buckets of ice cream to drown
her sorrows…
Julz:
Once home again, the spark between Julz and Mel is clear. He
invites Mel on another date and even though Alex tries to throw her off by
insisting that anything they do tonight will have nothing on what she has just
had with him, Julz and Mel have the best date of the night.
There are sparks flying everywhere, hands being held and
love confessions abound. I will be totally gutted if they don’t end up
together.
Lachie:
Now that he has had his much needed time to think (ugh), he
heads 900km away to find Belinda and give her some token flowers and discuss
love. She seems smitten. Hope she is protecting her heart. X
Jedd:
Jedd takes Kerry out for a coffee and they mostly discuss
Sam. He says he doesn’t know who he will choose, but the producers and editors
are gearing this to look like it could be Sam.
NEXT TIME:
Yay for the season finale! The boys are heading to the city
to pick their girls, and then we are back to the Hunter Valley to see who has
won found love, and who is a tragic loser needs to go on another
reality tv show to try again.
Stay tuned! Please share this with a friend if you enjoyed
this! x
