Monday, March 14, 2016

FWAW RECAP EPISODE 7 - Let's Finish This Fairytale Already

Episode 7 – Let’s Finish This Fairytale Already…

I’ve just been watching that kid Fletcher on Australia’s Got Talent as I wait for this season finale to end. I’m actually, seriously, bawling my eyes out… not just because this kid is AMAZING, but because I know my television standards are about to drop significantly in the next 5 minutes. Clearly I’m tired.

There’s no time to dwell on this though, as FWAW is starting – and THANK GOODNESS it only took us 7 episodes to get here! Woohoo!

Bring it on…

Sam talks about how over the last 10 years this show has helped some of the ‘loneliest on the land’ (debatable) find true love. She also makes reference to these 6 ELIGIBLE Bush bachies. Ugh. This makes me so cranky. Eligible HOW? Massive mortgages? Or living off their in laws? Or what? It’s a stereotype that infuriates me. C’mon Sam… you should’ve argued that one. You know better. Tut tut.
Ahhhh we've all come so far!

Last Morning on The Farm:

Lance: Still thinking. Oh god. This is going to be just as painful as I think it will be…

Adam: Needs more alone time… *yawn*

Matt: Gabby is a hot mess. Promo Model (ahhh… so that’s what a Brand Ambassador really is) Aprilis sad too. Both girls cry on their drive back to… well… wherever. Matt is left contemplating life on the farm with no girls.

Jedd: He’s ‘keeping his emotion down’. Jedd has come such a long way. There is discussion about his ‘first favourite’ Sam (so what does that made photographer Kerry? Second favourite?) GASP – Kerry is unsure of her feelings though. This is obviously some editing code for something… but I am too tired to give a shit figure it out.

Julz: He has a fave – Mel. Alex is the good sport third wheel who stands idly by as Julz and Mel have a long and painfully sweet goodbye. Alex declares that Julz is batting above his average. Lots of ‘L word’ and kisses.

Girls are Gone:

The boys all have a week to decide who is their happily ever after.

Let’s Finish This Fairytale:

We head straight into the reunion in the Hunter Valley. This is all happening a month later. There’s lots of beer and cheers and… Lachie… who is still on this show too. Apparently. Sam enters and takes…

Julz: Sam starts by asking what Julz was hoping to get out of this experience? And Julz answers by giving the Donald Trump answer to ‘a wife’. We flash to the city break and see that Mel lives by the sea. Well done mate. Holidays at the coast from now until eternity. There’s lots of feel good tv. Kissing and butterflies and love. It’s ‘the start of something amazing.’ Sam asks to bring her out…

Mel emerges resplendent in pink. They kiss and poor Sam realises she is now the third wheel. Lots of love and then Julz can now go brag to the boys that he is a winner.
The cuteness!

Jedd: Sam asks about his date with Sam. Jedd says it was ‘amazing’, and then goes on to list all the amazing qualities about Kerry too. He decides to follow his heart, and so he chooses… (flash to city visit)…

KERRY??? WTF??? She is doing some kind of martial arts, and Jedd probably only chose her because he feared for his safety otherwise. They do some high tea date that is just awkward after awkward. My hot tip Jedd, is that if you have feelings for BOTH OF THEM at this stage, it probably isn’t going to work out. There is some awkward touching and then…

Sam asks if Jedd has invited anyone, and all of a sudden things become clearer… down the stairs comes SAM! Oh the sneaky sneaky shenanigans that go on behind the scenes at Channel 10.

Sam asks Sam how she feels about being chosen second Jedd meeting up with Kerry in the city, and Sam gives an answer not dissimilar to the one Louise gave to the press when Love Rat Blake Garvey ditched his first choice for her after the show on The Batchelor. Sam says she understands why he did it, and adds something about his cheeky sense of humour (followed by a lip rub – weird!). They say they enjoy each other’s company, and it looks like there is some real emotion there. Too early to tell for sure though.
Jedd with his first favourite...

Lachie: We are reminded again of his abysmal failure is all things dating in the past, but Lachie assures us that he is now closer to knowing what he needs. (Perhaps a vagina and a heartbeat?). He assures us that he has real chemistry with Belinda, and she is here… looking amazing too. They cozy up on the couch, and there is much ‘sense of humour’ and ‘chemistry’. Belinda says she loves the farm and is planning her next farm visit… unless it sells… right? (I know, I know… they are keeping the house and a tiny bit of land right?)

Jedd declares that Belinda is “bloody cool”. Nice one.
I'm still unconvinced... fingers crossed for Belinda though!

We are told that there is a SHOCK CONFESSION after the break that NO ONE SAW COMING… so it’s almost certainly going to be something else….

Lance: Talks about his overwhelming journey… boring boring… he chooses Lisa. She jumps all over him. He declares he is a mad salt man. And then….


Actually… Lisa IS there… but not on the couch.

We flash to earlier that day out in the vineyard. Lance confesses (only AFTER Lisa reminds him of her open heart) that he doesn’t have a full connection with her. He has no goosebumps. Lisa looks sad. She will live though…

I’m just not sure what Lance wants? At a guess I’d say he wants a rough around the edges worker who will keep him warm on those cold and lonely rodeo nights. He announces he is still looking for love.

The boys all insist that women will be knocking on his door.
Who could resist this face?


Adam: Sam announces that Adam (although the baby of the bunch) has been the most sincere in his search for love. Yep. That cooking test was a true indicator of how life on the farm will really be. We get the pros and cons of Taryn and Hayley… He said life on the farm isn’t the same without his special someone. There is a slight avoidance of the ‘L word’.

We flash to Adam heading to a cool Sydney apartment to choose… HAYLEY!!! She has two dogs and they feel ‘cute’ together. They have never kissed before though, and Hayley declares that she wants to ‘start from the beginning and get to know each other all over again’ (clever girl). They kiss. They look very comfortable together, and I hope it works out for them.
Maybe Hayley will finally get around to that butchery course now!

Matt: This entire episode has been geared for this moment. Who did he choose? Gabby or April??? Gabby was ‘amazing’ and April (a tomboy in a beautiful package) ‘gets him’.

We flash to another area by the sea… and see… APRIL. She announces they are going to meet the family. There is skateboarding and a family gathering and Matt is lapping it up. They seem really at ease.

April walks down the stairs and there is loads of hand holding and cuddles. She is extremely comfortable around him and talks about how he ‘doesn’t realise how amazing he is’. Awww. Sweet.


Sam asks how this is going to work? They both admit they have spoken about it and now APRIL IS MOVING TO THE FARM NEXT WEEK! Wow… talk about moving along quickly. I guess when you know you know. I’d also imagine that leaving ‘Brand Ambassadorial-ship’ is easier than walking away from say, teaching. There is lots of love in the air. They throw the word around freely, and admit that they are confident this farmer has found a wife.
Their children will have amazing teeth!

THE END… sort of.

So apparently only three couples are still together. Any guesses on who it would be? Does anyone know? Who do you think? I’m going to say that Matt, Julz and Adam are still together with their ladies. Also - Ten bucks says Gabby was the one who spilled her guts to The Courier Mail today about broken hearts and ruined lives.

The McClymont Sister sing a song together and all the loved up couples dance and kiss.


*drops mic and walks off*

Monday, March 7, 2016

FWAW RECAP EPISODE 6 - Hot Dates and Alliteration are Alive and Well

Episode 6 – Hot Dates and Alliteration are Alive and Well

Sam opens tonight’s penultimate episode with discussion about ‘our boys’, and a reminder of how the real prize here is true love, and not (actually) sponsorship, brand ambassadorial-ship, infamy etc.

The Most Romantic Day Yet


His girls are both in PJs, and Taryn still looks better than me on a good day. Oh to be young again. Taryn says she’s hoping to hold hands with Adam soon. And as I’ve just learned what “Netflix and chill” ACTUALLY means, I’m wondering if “holding hands” is also code for something more sinister.

Dashing Dairy Farmer Adam (FFS with the alliteration already)is taking Taryn on the shag fest to a hot spring nearby. He says he’s never been before, and that doesn’t surprise me. What WOULD surprise me is if he was a regular there. There is the WORST POSSIBLE AWKWARD MOMENT EVER as Taryn goes in for a sexy spa kiss, and is rejected by Adam. She is gutted and embarrassed, and even asks him ‘when is a good time to kiss?’ (Eeeek). He says he doesn’t kiss on the first date. Awwww. Danger music plays and Adam adds cold water to the spa. Ouch.

After Taryn’s rejection, it is obvious that something needs to be done to rectify this. They drink bucket loads of wine, Taryn invites Adam back to her Villa, and they PASH… Taryn announces there was a ‘happy ending’. Noice.


Apparently he’s “shaken” after his altercation with Kelly. (And as an aside, Kelly is NOWHERE near as cranky at Lachie as the rest of Australia was after last week, which makes you wonder about the dodgy editing on this show. Mountain out of a mole hill anyone? I mean if that had been me last week, I would have reacted swiftly and violently… so maybe it was all a bang up after all?) I digress. Apparently she’s opened “old wounds” for him. Whatevs. He now has some clarity however, and as a result, cancels the remainder of his farm stay by booting BOTH girls from the farm. Wait, what??


Lancey-boy (his words, not mine) is off to Great Keppel with Lisa, and I am so jealous of them both. That island is AMAZEBALLS. Lance is wearing the biggest hat ever on the boat over, and I’m wondering if I’d had the brains to wear a hat that big on the boat over, I could have saved myself a load of sunburn last time I went)… Susie is back home shovelling sheep s#!* (as you do… said no one ever). She is wondering if they are drinking cocktails over there…. YES… they are Susie. They definitely are…. Lance has probably had more than Lisa though, as he’s started speaking about himself in third person again. “Lancey-boy is not a paddle boarder.”

Susie is home going cray-cray. Talking to cockatoos and playing air guitar with a shovel.

Lancey-boy thanks Lisa for “coming on the show” (because this is all about tv, and not love right?). They do a lovely sunset cruise dating thing. Lance announces he is above ‘cloud 9’. Meanwhile, Susie laments the death of the sister-wives club. The writers outdo themselves with alliteration by making poor Sam spit out that “the sun has set on the smitten sweethearts”. Groan.


Helicopter Hottie (and I SWEAR I am so happy this is all over next week, as the alliteration is really starting to do my head in), Matt, is taking April on the BIG date. It feels like it’s the sympathy vote. You know… I have this great connection with Gabby, but I’d better give you some time too”. Maybe I’m wrong, but I bet I’m not. There’s loads of kissing in some gorgeous hidden waterhole though, so Matt is getting his money’s worth out of this date.

Gabby is back home proving she can do hard work even without Matt, but I am thinking that if that was me, I’d be fixing to “watch Netflix and chill”… amiright? Hahaha There is lots of hand holding on separate swags under the stars.


Still looking for a spark, which is a bit like finding a needle in a haystack apparently. Surprisingly, he takes Alex on the big date to a cute beach location, but they have as much chemistry as me and Maths A do. Melanie surely has this in the bag. Poor Alex.


No shock that he takes Sam on the hot date. They go to a Luxury Eco Lodge and get a massage. But wait… Jedd’s DOG is there too. Ummm I’m not really sure why Kerry who is still at home couldn’t be trusted to feed the dog? All that aside, they try to ‘get in the mood’. This means donning white robes, and sipping on sparkly wine. Because nothing says “we are so going to shag” than donning a white robe in a room you didn’t have to pay for. Sam gives Jedd the LURVE talk (you know… connections and electricity…etc.”) They kiss.

Jedd later says they shared a “vulnerable experience in front of the fire”, and as if that wasn’t enough, he follows it up with “Pandoras box opened, and he embraced the box.” I couldn’t make this shit up!

The Morning After The Night Before


April is so touchy feely (arm strokes and fingers entwining) and there is still a lot of kissing. April announces about Matt that “150% this dude is the one.” hey discuss goals, ambitions, world peace and global fiscal policy (kidding). April talks about 1, 2, 3 kids. They reflect on their ‘unspoken bond’ (ie: Matt’s erection in the water hole presumably), and April cries happy tears.

After his date, Matt is wrestling with his feelings. He invited Gabby on a dinner, where they are waited on (presumably) one of Matt’s workmates, who has gone all out in one of his blue RB Sellars work shirts. He lurks suspiciously in the background as Gabby asks the tough questions. She cried a little and Matt tells her (nicely) not to.


After the big hot island date, Lance and Lisa meet a frosty Susie at home. Completely oblivious to her pain, they don’t spare her any details, and annoy her with the facts. Lance stops short of asking her if she got all that s#!* shovelled while they were gone.


Adam and Taryn start telling Hayley all about their hot date, and suspecting she might actually throw hot coffee on them for the effort, they back off a bit. Adam decides to take Hayley the ‘graphic designer/wannabe butcher’ on another date. Taryn relishes telling Hayley about the “HOT baths.”

Adam is clearly looking to pash Hayley on this date as well to even the score. He doesn’t really strike me as that kind of guy, but they are drinking whiskey, so who knows.

Taryn is at home eating three buckets of ice cream to drown her sorrows…


Once home again, the spark between Julz and Mel is clear. He invites Mel on another date and even though Alex tries to throw her off by insisting that anything they do tonight will have nothing on what she has just had with him, Julz and Mel have the best date of the night.

There are sparks flying everywhere, hands being held and love confessions abound. I will be totally gutted if they don’t end up together.


Now that he has had his much needed time to think (ugh), he heads 900km away to find Belinda and give her some token flowers and discuss love. She seems smitten. Hope she is protecting her heart. X


Jedd takes Kerry out for a coffee and they mostly discuss Sam. He says he doesn’t know who he will choose, but the producers and editors are gearing this to look like it could be Sam.


Yay for the season finale! The boys are heading to the city to pick their girls, and then we are back to the Hunter Valley to see who has won found love, and who is a tragic loser needs to go on another reality tv show to try again.

Stay tuned! Please share this with a friend if you enjoyed this! x