Monday, February 22, 2016

FWAW RECAP EPISODE 4 - Someone is going home

Someone Is Going Home

This week we have been promised that there would be not just ONE, but TWO of the most romantic dates we’ll EVER have seen. That shouldn’t be too hard, as I wouldn’t classify ANY of the dates I’ve ever been on as ‘the best date ever’, and I don’t make a habit of watching other people’s dates as a general rule…

We open with a 20 second montage of checked shirts, big hats and longing looks.

‘Elimination Day’ draws near:

The girls are spurting gems such as ‘this is home’ and of course the farmers are all ‘I don’t want to let anyone down, but…’

So let’s just get this started already.


The love triangle is in full force. Matt is getting the most air time these days, so this must be a pretty big thing. Matt feels like he has ‘intellectual conversations’ with Amelia, but he is very attracted to Brand Ambassador April, and he’s locked into emotional blackmail after rewarding Gabby’s cry with a kiss.

Matt gets his girls cleaning out troughs in their white shirts. Maybe he should follow this up with a date on how to effectively use Napisan in the bush? There is a brief mud wrestle with April (so clichéd) and Gabby scrubs the trough even harder and talks smack talk about April to vent her frustration at having to share the love of her life with a Brand Ambassador. Matt pulls Gabby (who is one onion short of more tears) aside to comfort her and it ends in another kiss.


Julz and his ladies are out fixing fences. OKAY – now I am paying attention. This is a date I have been on. I can finally relate. He is woo-ing the ladies with talk of ‘iron droppers’. *drool* The only thing that could make this more romantic is by adding at least 30 extra degrees to the temperature today, and getting him to take the piss out of their efforts as they go.

It’s obvious that GI Megan has been friend-zoned, and probably even Alex too. Julz really only has eyes for Melanie (who is wearing matching red plaid). Melanie is a sure thing.

Julz is taking Melanie to a secluded cabin in the dark with a campfire. Sounds a bit like a scene in Wolf Creek if you ask me, but they both are too smitten with one another to be anywhere near as cynical as I am. They dine on plastic plates with a BBQ dinner, and I am pleased. This is the closest thing these girls will get to a real date other than going fencing with their farmer.


Sad guitar music after we are reminded that Karen abandoned left him last week. Old Spice discusses how he has dealt with the ‘aftermath of shock’, but drops reminders that he still has two more ‘little ladies’ – perhaps hoping to convince himself of their actual value to him, more than trying to convince us. He refers to them as being ‘rip snorters’, because ROMANCE!

As Old Spice discusses Karen’s departure, one of the sister wives actually starts to cry. For a minute I think I am back in uni, sucking on a frozen coke and watching an episode of Ricky Lake or Donoghue, where the sister wives TRULY wanted their third sister to stay. This is like a train wreck. I can’t take my eyes away as they discuss their family realignment and have a group hug to make everything better.

Old Spice takes the girls on a #mavericks shopping spree. It doesn’t mean anything to me, but they must have paid a pretty penny for that advertising (or are great mates with Lance), but my Farmer is impressed. Now they are off to a ‘real’ rodeo… but time will tell if it actually is.

HOLA! They have made it to The Great Western!!! I still remember my first ever visit there. So funny. But no rodeo. My Farmer assures me it is probably a quiet night, and adds that it DOES get quite busy at times. But not tonight. Old Spice declares the Great Western to be ‘ONE OF THE BEST indoor rodeos in Central Queensland.’ That’s a big call! There must be, what? Like… only one indoor rodeo in Central Queensland right? Or are there actually more? You learn something new every day. Old Spice makes a throw away comment comparing one of his ‘little ladies’ to a bull. Get used to it love, there will be plenty more animal references where that comes from.


It’s cold and wet and Adam is taking the girls to put hay out. My Farmer laughs as Hayley puts her seatbelt on. Don’t get me wrong, seat belts are the best, but I PROMISE you this is only being worn because of FWAW Workplace Health and Safety policy. Seatbelts on farms are optional under 20km an hour. In spite of Hayley’s attempts to woo Adam with her safe driving practices, he still chooses crowd favourite Taryn to come on a 1 on 1 date with him. Hayley spits chips.

Adam and Taryn engage in SEVERELY Producer inspired “how is our relationship progressing” convo. It’s so staged, it’s awkward. To change the subject Taryn talks about her cold hands. That old chestnut. They head home, and then he takes Hayley out on a date. Poor Christine. This must be the end of the line for you too.

Hayley is so excited about her date that she can’t stop gushing. ADAM (and definitely not the production crew) have pulled out all stops on the hay bail and fairy lights. Adam says “I don’t think she’s had this done for her before” and I really want to know if we can even technically say that Adam has ever done this at all as well? The two of them discuss how many married friends they have, and then they indulge in strawberries and chocolate (Hayley’s FAVOURITE!), but there is still no more talk of her butcher dreams, and definitely no kiss. Adam does have a ‘good feeling’ though.


Lachie doesn’t have to send anyone home tonight after one of his ladies walked out last week. Instead we see him take Kelly to a day spa/ pampering on his verandah. As I am watching this, a text comes through from Mrs B (my good friend and next door neighbour/ Farmer’s Wife) saying:

Where the f&%^ is our massage on the deck? #weareonthewrongfarm

Damn straight Mrs B! As Lachie gets a foot massage in his white robe, Kelly exclaims that ‘if this is a good representation of farm life, then she can handle this.’ Refer to the text above Kel. All this as Lachie snorts.


More oyster shucking. *yawn*. This is all so boring, we get a bunch of flashbacks to when Jedd was so nervous he made a real larrikin of himself. Back when we actually had something to talk about…

Jedd takes Nicole (WTF? Who is this woman – and has she even been there before today??) on a date. They discuss the ‘vibe’ of Newcastle and how would she feel about being pregnant… She is gone for sure.

It’s Time To Go:


After a quick speech about how they are all strong women, Adam allows the three girls to have their last words. It reminds me of that scene in Bridesmaids where the two main Bridesmaids compete for who is the favourite friend in an epic ‘speech off’ that ends in ‘keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me… for sure. That’s what friends are for!” It truly feels like this is about to happen!

Alas, Christine must leave. She is sad, and not letting Adam off easily. No surprises.


After GI Megan refers to Julz as being a ‘good bloke’ it is clear that she is also in the friend zone. After a speech of “moment of truth and inevitability”, the girls give a collective speech of “we think this and we feel that” and it is clear that they have actually started morphing into the one girl. And even though there is no I (or we) in TEAM, it’s time to go Megan. Alex is relieved that she didn’t have to leave. Can everyone say “third wheel”??? Melanie has this in the bag.

URGH!!! Channel 9 are PUMPING through the ads tonight. A bunch of airline and car ads. But a missed opportunity for Toyota – the official bush vehicle. Maybe next year fellas?


Still nothing. To be fair, they are probably going hard talking about how much they all love Game of Thrones, but as it’s not a Ch 9 show, they can’t air any of it. #sorrynotsorry

Jedd asks Nicole to leave, but I’m not sad. I didn’t even know she was there to begin with.


Our helicopter pilot is on the verge of tears. This is affecting him the most. Apparently intellectual conversations aren’t what he is chasing, and Amelia is asked to leave. She is shocked. But at 22 years of age, I suspect she will get over this.

Lots of clichés are being bandied around…

“Going to keep on keeping on”, and “What will be will be”.


Family meetings! YAYYYY! This is always gold. I’m so excited about this… and seeing Lance and his two sister wives who have started dressing all matchy-matchy after this week.

If you enjoy this recap, please share it with your friends. x


  1. As I haven't managed to watch one single episode of this, this season, this little update by you is awesome and hilarious.

  2. LOL - love your recap!!! Totally agree with you re Nicole! Who-the-eff indeed!? And that SPA date!! Is Lance ACTUALLY a real farmer!?

    1. Just realised I said Lance instead of Lachie. I meant Lachie - is HE a real farmer? :)

    2. I had an ex of his contact me to say she thinks I was right about using this as marketing for the sale of his farm.

    3. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a money is on your theory

    4. That ex of his contacts everyone to say she's his ex. If her name is Nat, she's a complete nut job. Google her and see for yourself.

  3. Wonderful witty read, will look forward to next weeks recoup :)

  4. Happy to have the possibility to follow fwaw from The Netherlands via this blog.
    Your writing brings a lot of fun. Old Spice Lance..... ( hoe verzin je het hahahah lol ) HILARIOUS!


    ( I'll follow you )

    1. Dank je wel! Ok spreek een klein beetje nederlands!

    2. Wow! Are you superwoman or what? Speaking Dutch as an Australian.... ( Somewhere Dutch roots ?? )
      I have put your blog ont the Dutch version of farmer wants a wife ...called Boer zoekt vrouw fanforum:

      For sure Korenbloem ( Cornflower ) who lives between the kiwi's is very very very enthousiastic watcher / writer as well. We are writing a lot about FWAW :) All in Dutch ofcourse, but you can use google-translate - ofcourse :)

  5. Enjoying your take on it more than the actual episodes. You crack me up.

  6. Love your work. It's more entertaining than the actual show by a country mile.

  7. I actually find farmer lance a little sleepy, and being referred to as a little rip snorter would turn me right off.

  8. Kelly Webster23 February, 2016

    My thoughts exactly Jessie!! Love it!!


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