Saturday, May 28, 2011

How To Catch A Farmer

There is a strange phenomenon going on at the moment. City girls chasing country boys. I don't really get it, but it's certainly not for me to judge. If you haven't already read my blog "The Farmer Probably Just Wants a Shag" (and even if you have), then stay tuned. I'm not saying DON'T go looking for country boys - lets's face it, they are fit, cute, hard working, strong, quiet types - I'm just saying, make sure you read the fine print first.

I'm no expert. But I bagged a farmer and I wasn't even trying. Today this came to my attention. It's the latest blog by BushBelles, and it gives information about an event planning agency taking city girls out west to meet nice country boys. Please do yourself a favour single ladies, and check it out. There's also links in there with web pages and facebook pages to explain it all.

So if it's a farmer you are chasing... let me share with you what ten years of being around farmers has taught me.

CP is going to kill me for uploading this. But this is the handsome guy I fell in love with. Nawwwww!

These are generalisations, and certainly some farmers fall outside of the mould. But this is just what I have observed.

1. Many farmers AREN'T looking for another farm worker. Sure, it will be handy if you are the kind of woman who will pitch in. The kind of woman who will have a go. (And in fact, there are also farmers who really could use an extra set of hands on the farm, but I always argue that that is what the internet is for). But if you think that by slugging your guts out in the paddock in a tractor, or sticking your arm up the backside of a cow, he is going to be completely bowled over by you, then think again. Here's a little secret ladies... if you DO get out and do all those things, he's STILL going to expect you to go inside and cook him an awesome and nutritious meal as well. Which leads me directly to number 2.

2. Save yourself the effort and just stick to the kitchen if you want to fast track your way to a farmer's heart.
I'm not saying that every farmer's wife has to be the epitome of the 1950's housewife. I am far from that myself. But I'm just saying you don't have to put in a hard day in the paddock AND the kitchen to bag a farmer. The kitchen will be enough to do the trick. I should add, that if you are multi-skilled and can manage both quite easily, then go right ahead... but be aware that once your farmer realises you have talents in both fields, he will milk you for it at every possible future opportunity. And trust me when I say he won't return the favour in the kitchen. Every farmer loves a woman who can cook. Don't worry ladies if you are a fizzer in the kitchen. Your farmer will appreciate any kind of effort.

3. Make an effort to look nice, but be practical.
When I watch 'Farmer Wants a Wife' and see the ladies all rolling up in low cut dresses made of synthetic materials, exposing their navels to Australia and beyond; all the while tottering precariously on a set of stilletos, and brandishing two inch long fake nails... I kind of cringe. Don't get me wrong... I love my heels, my synthetic materials and fake nails as much as the next person, but there is a time and a place. Flannel is good - it has its place. Outside, in the sheep/cattle yards, on your bed in the winter etc. But wear what you are comfortable in, not what will make your boobs bigger than the next girls. Remember if it's a husband you want, you'll need more than nice cleavage to get to any milestones. If it's a shag you want, then showing your navel and boobs off will probably give you a headstart. When it comes to meeting his parents, natural fibres are always nice. (Incidentally, I didn't wear natural fibres, and I am constantly reminded of the impracticality of synthetics. But that's not my point). If you are meeting a farmer for the first time, he won't even be looking at your hair and nails. (Unless he is Farmer Charles from the last season... odd). He will be looking at your face, (and your boobs, but he's only human), and be trying not to make a complete an utter fool of himself throughout the conversation. Which leads me to number 4.

4. Have a few conversation starters planned.
Most farmers I know aren't the best conversationalists. Once you get to know them and they are comfortable with you, this is no longer an issue, but odds are on that your farmer will be even more shy and nervous than you are. So have a few little 'tid bits' handy to fill in the gaps. And here is my HOT TIP of the day.... make sure you know a little bit about the weather. It also helps if you have kind of done enough research to know about the weather in the location your farmer lives. If you initiate a conversation about the weather, the farmer will be temporarily blind sided, and then feel comfortble enough to launch into a 3 hour + spiel about farming and the climate and the weather itself. If you are still awake at the end of the 3 hours, you will know that you and your farmer will live happily ever after.

5. Be yourself.
Don't ever pretend to be a farmers wife before you actually are. You'll find that the farmer is so blown away by female attention, and will be naturally chuffed that he found someone so completely outside of his own gene pool, that he will just be loving you for YOU. Don't pretend to be a domestic goddess if in fact you aren't.  Don't pretend you like animals if you don't, don't think you need to be able to ride a horse if you can't. It will come back to bite you in the end. This is actually the most important point. If you can't be yourself, warts and all, you'll only be setting yourself up for disappointment. The night I met CP I had no intentions of ever hooking up with him. I had plans to go travelling (as did he) and it was nice to 'talk shop' with somebody else. There was no pressure.

6. First impressions count. And you only get one chance at it.
The night I met CP, I was wearing a tight fitting 3/4 length green and white top, navy blue fitted jeans and white skater sneakers. I know this because CP remembers it vividly. I remember what CP was wearing too. White footy training short, and a red footy shirt, white and red knee length socks with navy blue NIKE sandals. He needed a hair cut badly. But we spoke about traveling, and I was thoroughly impressed by how much he had done. Even more than that, we both walked away from the night thinking what a nice person the other one was, even though there were no dating plans on the cards at all.

Only picture of me in above mentioned green shirt (not very farm like at all)... still early days back then...
7. Laugh!
There is so much to be serious about these days. Especially where farms are concerned. And it's true that if you ARE having a good time, it will show in your face, and people are drawn to that. People want to surround themselves with people who make them feel good. Laugh and your farmer will laugh with you. And have fun. The farmer you are chasing might not be in Wagga Wagga or Tamworth. So perservere, and have a ball in the process!

A quick footnote!
 I just asked CP what he thinks is the most important quality in a potential wife, and he said “someone who fits in – not a square peg in a round hole”. I then asked how I made the cut, as I was most definitely a square peg in a round hole. CP responded with, “I guess desperation does funny things to a person…”

Typical CP response…

Good luck ladies! Apparently even desperation will be enough… but hopefully you bag yourself something a little more substantial than that!


  1. Love the old pics of you and CP, Jessie! Great read. Obviously, I'm not in the market for catching a farmer (I caught myself a sweet, sensitive artist instead!), but if I were, I'm sure I would take your advice!

  2. Love it Jessie! I think sensible shoes help and I couldn't agree more about the kitchen issue...

    Take care and hope things are going well for you and yours.

  3. You hit the nail right on the head Jessie with every point! I too have a laugh when the city chicks turn up at the farm with not a scrap of anything closely resembling "work clothes"! Although at the moment I'm sick to death of wearing work clothes and would love to get dressed up once in a while!!

  4. Another great post, as I said essential reading. I couldnt imagine being a city girl and coming to the country, I am grateful I was country born and bred, I don't think I would have lasted otherwise. Bushbelles


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