"Everybody Needs Good Neighbours.."

My neighbours have been known to tell me that my washing has been on the line for too long, and then take it off and even bring it inside for me. They have also been known to keep my husband away from our house at length. I worry about them seeing how dirty my verandah can be, or hearing me shout, or my kids fight. I don't like them to see how often I cook 'banged up meals'. In the past they have commented on how inappropriate my clothes are for the climate, and they even tell me that I go out a lot.

My neighbours will also happily take my children for whole days at a time. They give up their time to enable me to have a social life. I can't work unless my neighbours take my children for me. They have been known to cook meals and send them over when I am tired or sick or busy. They help me clean my yard and verandah, and they lend me food items when I am short. They are there to help me when I am feeling 'off'. They never complain about all the things I do to complicate their lives.

My neighbours are also my in-laws. They are genuinely nice people who make my life easier. They live about 70m away.

My house on the left - in-laws house on the right.

It hasn't always been so wonderful, and more and more I hear about people living in similar situations who struggle with it. I wanted to be able to talk about this without pointing fingers. I wanted to let people know that they are not alone.

In our case, there were several years of adjustments that needed to happen. I cried a lot! By nature I am something of a control freak, and I think the idea of having 'parents' who knew about every aspect of my life, was a little overwhelming at times. In fact, it took until after the birth of all three children for me to truly appreciate what a blessing it can be having your parents in law live next door!

The 'in-law' relationship is perhaps one of the most difficult relationships you will ever have. In my case, I am nothing like my in-laws at all! I could write a really long blog about all the negatives that come with living next to any parents at all. At times it feels like there are four of us in our marriage. Having said that though, living where we do has been full of more positives across the years. Perhaps having children was the catalyst for helping me understand how much I need those extra people in my life? Without child care freely available out here, I am dependant on my in laws to help with minding the children. I'd like to know how many neighbours would go to the lengths that mine have to give me some help, peace of mind and respite when I needed it.

There have been tears, laughter and everythig in between across the years.

Any situation is only going to be as good or as bad as you make it. It's taken me having to learn when to speak, and when to stay silent. It's taken me learning more patience. It's taken me realising that they aren't always against me, and that they actually want to help - even though they help in ways I don't often appreciate or understand. It's taken me learning when to ask for help and when to say 'that's enough'. It's taken me years of learning how to communicate, to be able to love what I have here.

I can honestly say that I love my neighbours. Even through the good, the bad and the ugly. And we've been through most of it!

PS. For the record, I also have some other awesome neighbours too - thanks Leesa! - but they didn't crack the in-law category!

How do you go with your neighbours? Or do you live near your own parents or in-laws? And how do you fare?

The Nanny - Part 1: Settling In To The Hut

This is Yv.

Sorry Yv - (she's probably going to hate me for this)...

In December 2007, when Darcy was not even 1, I decided that I would be needing a little extra help around the place in order to do more things for me. I should really explain that by "doing things for me", I don't mean reclining on a sun bed in a bikini, sipping Mojitos from a glass with an umbrella in it...  I mean doing things like getting back into my Masters (studying), and doing the odd bit of work here and there. So I started looking for a Nanny or Au Pair or In Home Carer to come and help.

Because the nearest town (where I do relief work) had no day care or child care facilities at the time, I had to consider my options. 

Option 1: My Mother In Law - She is amazing. She is always my first port of call,but it just isn't feasible to suggest that every time I want to do something for me, she would need to drop everything to help. So even though she could always be my 'back up plan', I needed something a little more permanent. 

Option 2: Friends - See Option 1 explanation. 

Option 3: Nanny or Au Pair - They would need somewhere to stay (living in our house wasn't really a long term solution. But aside from the logistics, it seemed to be the best option. 

And so the redevelopment of 'The Hut' began. This is 'The Hut'.

Before it became 'The Hut', it was used as a workshop for CP and my father in law. It was covered in grease and dust and housed spare tyres, bits and pieces, machinery and assorted junk. The first step was emptying the contents and finding a new home for everything. CP moved an abandoned caravan on the northern end of the property down and this became the new 'workshop'. Once The Hut was empty,it needed to be scrubbed down and cleaned properly. A coat of paint was next, and one of the smaller rooms was transformed into an ensuite. We had the floors polished, and then furnished the rooms. 

Inside The Hut, on the left, is the bathroom. The centre room is the 'living area'. It houses an oven, fridge, microwave, appliances and all cutlery and crockery. There is also a table and chairs, and a single bed (where we will one day put a fold out bed/lounge). The room on the right is the bedroom. There is a bed, a wardrobe, dresser and desk, as well as a television. There is an air conditioner too. It is fully self contained. Even better, it is only about 50 metres from our own house. Incidentally, The Hut was only completed a month after Yv arrived at our house. But nonetheless, it has become a valuable addition to our 'home'. 

But back to Yv...

Once I had decided to find an Au Pair I set about finding the right person. I was looking for someone from January 08, until July 08. This was bound to be difficult, because I was looking for someone who would be capable, someone who would love my kids, someone who had their first aid certificate, and someone who could drive (amongst an exhaustive list of other worthwhile assets). On top of all that, I needed to find someone who would be happy living in such an isolated part of Australia. Someone who would be able to stick it out for more than a month. I designed a questionnaire for potential candidates. The questionnaire narrowed it down to two 'possibles'. It was going to be tough. Long story short, I ended up selecting Yv (who is from Holland). Having spent a year in Belgium myself, I understood enough Dutch to be able to help her settle in if language was to be a problem, and also had some English-Dutch Dictionaries on stand by if that would help.

Shortly after I selected Yv, we received an email from her, telling us about an accident she had had as a young child. She had lost her eye in a sling shot accident, and had a glass eye in place of it. She wanted us to know that it hadn't stopped her from doing anything (such as driving a car), but that if this made us change our mind about having her, she understood. It didn't bother me at all. If she could drive, I really didn't care.

I picked her up in Brisbane at the end of January, after she had been travelling around Western Australia for four weeks. We headed home immediately. On the trip home it started raining (REALLY raining). At one point I thought we wouldn't make it, and swollen creeks became flooded and dangerous within hours. That's just how it works out here. But after a very adventurous drive and a detour of 'the long way home', we made it. I apologised for the last several hours of the drive and assured her that if she wasn't happy I completely understood. We had previously agreed on a trial period of 3 months. That way if either of us weren't happy we could walk away at Easter, and that would at least give us both time to work out new arrangements. Yv assured me she was loving it. I couldn't believe it. I kept expecting her to pack up and leave at any moment. 

On her first day, we took her lamb marking. 

I thought for SURE that would be enough to scare her off, but she loved it, and didn't seem in a hurry to go anywhere. 

We spent the first month settling in. Yv was in our house with us. We made her watch "Wolf Creek" and still she wouldn't budge... When Yv moved into the hut, she found her stride. She had her little place, and she well and truly made the farm her new home. 

Very early on in her stay, I once overheard Olivia ask Yv, "Do you love me?" To which Yv replied, "No Olivia, I like you very much, but I actually only love my family." I smiled, because I knew that would change. It was just a matter of when it would change...

(Stay tuned for Part 2)...