Friday, February 11, 2011

It Must Be Love

It's interesting when you think about all the different ways that people show 'love'.

A few years ago CP and I were driving back home from Brisbane together. I had been away with the kids for a few weeks, and CP had come to collect us for the long drive back again. About half way into the journey CP turned to me with the most loving look in his eyes. He took my hand in his, and gave me a big goofy smile. Then he said, "I've got a surprise for you at home. It's something that will make you very happy." Well naturally, my curiosity was piqued, so I started to guess.
"Is it sparkly, and can I wear it on my finger?"
"No, it's not sparkly and you can't wear it."
"Is it something I can use? Like maybe something in the kitchen?"
"No, it's bigger than that."
"Is it a new car??"
"Did you renovate the house??"
"No...but it's an outside thing."
"It's a POOL! You got a pool!"
"No... they cost too much money..."

I think I may have frowned then...

"I give up. Just tell me."
"It's something I KNOW will make you really happy. Something that will change your life."
"Just tell me."
"I took out the gate you have to open every day on your way to school, and I put in a grid!"
"And what else?"
"That's it. I knew it would make you happy. I know how much you hated having to open and close that gate every day. Especially if it was raining. And I thought, this way, you never have to get the gate."

I think I may have smiled a little. Just a little.

This is the grid.

He even put in a little sign and everything.
And up close...

It wasn't until I actually started using the grid that I realised something very important. CP really loves me. I always knew he really loved me, but I realised how he just shows his love in a way that is so completely different to the way in which I express love. He chooses 'acts of kindness' to express his love, where as I am more of a 'verbal or physical'expresser of my love.  When CP put that grid in for me, he would have spent considerable time beforehand thinking about how much it would improve my quality of life. He had foreseen how I would have one less thing to complain about. And then he slugged his guts out for at least a whole day or two to install this grid so that it was perfect for when I got home.

He must really love me.

Or maybe he just was sick of getting the gate too? No - he loves me.

I'm really not a big gift person. But it has taken some time getting used to the fact that CP is not a gift person AT ALL.  And who am I kidding? I'm still not used to his ignorance in the gift giving department. But if I added up all the times he 'did something' for me to show me that he loved me, I would have lost count years ago. I'm more of a "thought that counts" kind of girl. And NO, CP, "Happy Birthday Jess" and then completely ignoring me for the remainder of my day does NOT count as a 'thought that counts'. But if you'd thrown in dinner cooked by you, then YES, it would definitely count. Just saying.

My sister, Hannah, has the world's most perfect partner. (Hello Lole, that's you!).

He's a 'thought that counts' kind of guy, AND a gift giver. Amazing. This guy has to be told when to stop buying gifts. And he chooses GREAT gifts. He is responsible for this:

And this:

And he's also responsible for the famous 'double bin liner.' Which basically means that after a big night out on the town with your friends, you can come home to a nice bin beside your bed/lounge and if you aren't feeling crash hot, you just lean into the bin... and then remove the top bag, leaving a spare for later. Genius. Only a truly sensitive guy would think of that.

So I suppose that while some guys show love by cooking you braised (organic) asparagus on a bed of cheese and bacon cream for your birthday, other guys drive 90km to change a flat tyre, or pick you up when your gear box is broken. If you're lucky, I suppose some guys could do both.

And then there are the guys like Farmer Russell, next door, who just like to buy sparkly things for his wife. Or a nice car for her to drive around in. And I know life shouldn't be all about keeping up with the Joneses, but I'll admit that sometimes I do get sparkle and car envy.

Life is like that though. The grass is always greener, isn't it?

I wonder if anyone has grid envy after reading this?


  1. Huge case of grid-envy right here!
    Everybody certainly expresses love differently. My husband makes my early morning coffee each and every day, this is the sweetest, kindest thing he could do for me and I appreciate it more than he could guess.

  2. Good story, Jess. A grid is truly a labour of love. And you can remind yourself every time you don't have to open the gate that there was a lot of 'thoughts that count' behind it.

  3. Fantastic post, Jessie! I'm sure CP's grid is the equivalent of about ten other kinds of presents. It's nice to know that our men love us, even if they have a different way of showing it than we would show it!

  4. Bruce just proudly showed me the new tap he had put in the garden... I understand...

  5. Oh I am so with you on this. My farmer man has zero idea about gift giving and trying to give him a gift just doesn't even register. I may not have a lovely grid like yours but my fireguard sure is a piece of construction and I even got a load of wood to go in the fire too. Awwww. Can your feel the love.


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